Pet peeves. We all have them. I personally collect them like Pokémon. But there is ONE pet peeve that towers above all the others… the Mount Everest of my irritation… the Beyoncé of my rage.

Facebook Nosey People. Yes. Capital F. Capital N. Capital P. The final boss of annoyance.

Honestly, the fact that I even have to put the word “Facebook” in front of “nosey” is a pet peeve all by itself, but that’s a rant for another Wednesday.

These people are the modern‑day porch rubber‑neckers. You know the type — back in the day, they’d sit on their front porch with binoculars, a glass of sweet tea, and a lawn chair that had seen better decades. They’d watch the neighborhood like it was their personal soap opera. Then they’d waddle house to house spreading the latest gossip like Avon reps with drama catalogs.

I call these people Gary and Diane, named after my brother’s legendary nosey neighbors who could probably tell you what brand of socks you were wearing from 200 feet away.

But now? Oh, now they’ve evolved. They’ve leveled up. They’ve gone DIGITAL.

They sit in their houses with their phones, their scanners, their Ring cameras, and their “community watch” Facebook groups like they’re running the CIA out of their living room.

And for some reason… this sends me into orbit.

🕵️‍♀️ The Facebook Nosey Olympics

These people are out here posting EVERYTHING:

• Hear a loud boom? “Anyone else hear that???”
• See a cop car with lights on? “What’s going on at 3rd and Main???”
• Ambulance at a house? “Does anyone know who lives there? Are they okay? Should we pray? Should we panic?”

Patty… sweetie… you don’t even KNOW these people. You don’t care if they’re okay. You just want the TEA. Sit down.

And don’t even get me started on fireworks. People in Piqua act like fireworks are a personal attack on their soul.

Then there’s the security‑camera detectives:

“Does anyone know who this person is walking past my house at 11:57 PM???”

Betty… it’s a person WALKING. On a SIDEWALK. At NIGHT. People do that. Not everyone is out here trying to steal your garden gnome.

When I was younger, my brother and I walked around at midnight all the time. We weren’t criminals. We were bored.

🏙️ Maybe It’s a City Thing… But Also No

Maybe I’ve lived in the country too long. Maybe I’m not used to “city living.” (And by “city,” I mean Piqua — not exactly New York, despite what Tony thinks when he puts on his flat‑brim hat and pretends he’s from the hood. Calm down, Tony. You’re from Ohio.)

But no. I don’t think this is about being protective. I think some people are just nosey Nancy’s and nosey Nathan’s with too much time and not enough hobbies.

🧙‍♀️ Tell Me I’m Not Alone

Please tell me I’m not the only one who gets irrationally annoyed by this. The porch watchers were bad enough… Now we have Facebook Porch Watchers, and they’re somehow worse.

Does this drive you up the wall too, or am I just out here screaming into the void like a feral raccoon with Wi‑Fi?